Enemies

Sufjan Stevens: Is it possible to be more fey than this Christian boy? The horns, the banjo, the lilting soprano, the faith in a kind, loving God, the lips just begging for cock... I say don't date him, rape him.

Oprah: No one ever got poor from delivering a vacuous message of hope to the housewives of America. But her racism free vision of American reality (and it's unspoken subtext - white people have eliminated thoughts of race, and black people could get ahead if they'd just act, think, and talk like white people) wasn't quite offensive enough - she had to foist dr. phil on us. I want to ejaculate on her breasticles.

Dr. Phil: not too much to say here - the quintessential fat, bald blowhard. Fuck you! Dr. Phil, you fat fuck. Here's some advice for you: die.

God: OK God's not so bad. Just don't expect him to cover for you - no favors from that motherfucker, ever. Of course, I can see him up in heaven - "water falls from the fucking sky, you ingrates! you want more than that?" but of course we do. cancer, male pattern baldness, mosquitos, tse tse flies, all have their reason in god's great plan for the world. It's just hard to see what that plan could be. Still, I can accept the existence of evil. All I ask in return is more, better orgasms and cheaper beer. And that shit is rare. Because God doesn't exist.

Dick Cheney: A fat, lying thief who got us into a war so he could turn a profit, it is really hard to imagine a more corrupt, evil human. I'd hate him more, but that would be playing into al Qaida's hands. Way to ruin western civilization, Mr. know-it-all.